Saying Yes to Allergies

The Yes Man

Sometime in the late 20th century, a western man visited the deteriorating Soviet Union to speak at a conference on efficient communication and conflict resolution. At the time, foreigners were quite rare within the communist state and were thus automatically afforded a status of authority, causing people of all walks of life to cover great distances to see this man speak. The speaker got on stage and began:

"So this method I'd like to tell you about, is called the 'Yes approach'."

The audience grew quiet and attentive, people readied their notepads to make sure that they capture all of the complexity of the westerner's method. He continued:

"In essence, it boils down to saying 'Yes'." He paused, mindfully surveying his audience. "And that, I'd have to say, is all there is to it. Thank you everyone for coming!", he added.

Initially there was silence, gradually displaced by an air of confusion, then by some unspoken anger. The speaker smiled and said nothing. Members of the audience largely contained their emotions, until one of the less "proper and reserved" guests got up and addressed the speaker: "Yes? That's all?"

"Yes" - replied the speaker and nodded reassuringly.
"You mean to tell me that I traveled 8 hours to hear some idiot tell me to say 'Yes'????"
"Yes" - replied the speaker with no change in his demeanor.
"Why you little ..." - (the Russian language sports an incomparable array of graphic expletives that artfully combine absurdity with an absolutely clear message).
" ... and you're gonna stand up there and give me nothing but your stupid 'Yes'???" - his face was turning red with anger.
"Yes" was the reply, again with no change in demeanor.
"Well!... well..." - the man stumbled. He was clearly not used to being at a loss for words.

The speaker understood the method. His very being was entirely free of confrontation, of rejection, of 'No'. With the help of this display, the audience understood as well. The man had nothing to base an argument on, nothing to grab onto, nothing to push - there was no resistance. The audience suddenly broke into an applause, and even the now red-faced man had no choice but to laugh at himself - the method was proven in the field.

The Usual Reaction

It is probably reasonable to ask what this story has to do with allergies, and as you can imagine, I plan to explain. To help make the connection a little more solid I offer another narrative, this one should be a lot more familiar:

Winter is over, and spring is slowly starting to become more believable, most notably to the budding plants which are ... well you already know what they do in the spring. Early flowers appear everywhere, the air is dry and full of pollen and freshly mowed grass, and despite your belief that this year your allergies won't return and the season won't be so bad, you start feeling that familiar tingling in the nose, then ears, then eyes, throat, and so on. Seasonal allergies don't seem to care whether you planned to be immune to them this year, and especially whether you planned some yard work or nature trips. Sure, initially you attempt to convince yourself that it isn't that, that it's just some dust you got in your lungs, or sand in your eyes, that it's just a passing thing. Note this feeling! - we'll come back to it later.

Then you are faced with the undeniable realization that it is happening, that these are indeed allergies, and there is no escape - but you really, really want to escape! You say to yourself (some people say this out loud or even to others) that you don't want to go through this yet again - it's only April (or even March???) and you'll need to limp through life until at least July (or all summer long???). You imagine yourself suffering through the months, finding relief only in the occasional pharmaceuticals (perhaps not occasional) or spending your days and nights in locked rooms next to the air purifier. Note this feeling also - note this desire to escape, to hide, to avoid.

Then there is the stream of descriptions of the pitying kind: "Why me?", "I'm suffering", "I'm dying", and so on. Your thoughts are filled with lists of things you do not want and situations you do not like.

More Personal

All these reactions are hardly surprising, and I'm intimately familiar with them myself. I've lived a rather healthy life (and still do) and have experienced nothing even remotely resembling allergies for the first 30 years, and thus the shock of it was, well, a shock. I was such a stranger to this condition that it took me about 3 weeks before I even realized (read: admitted) what it was, and my symptoms were hardly mild. I spent 2 months within running distance of a sink (I don't like tissues.. I just don't), more or less incapacitated relative to what I consider "being useful". I won't go into detail but it was not pleasant. Not being a big fan of conventional medicine or medications, I tried most every naturopathic and homeopathic remedy and pill I could find. I've eliminated things from my diet (and my diet was already fairly clean - I was nearly raw vegan at the time), including cheese, wheat, etc. I repeated detox (including the Master Cleanse). I felt improvement in many respects, but I found all these experiments to be ineffective for the allergies.

Like many people I hoped that this would be a one-time experience, but next season the symptoms were back, if not worse. I tried more combinations of remedies and diet changes, all to no avail. As the allergy season was winding down I discovered the Neti Pot and assumed that I'd finally found a solution. Next season proved me wrong (oh it does help, but it's not a long term solution for allergies in my experience)

Next season something happened. The allergies started again, despite my preemptive Neti Pot use, much the same as they had before, but something changed in me, something I didn't expect - it was a suggestion that came from within, it sounded absurd but I had nothing to lose. The suggestion was "bring it on".

A Different Approach

"Bring it on" is one way to express what I tried. "Meet it head on" is another. As you may have guessed by now, "Yes" is one more translation.

I decided not to hide. I went out and planted in the garden, I admired (and smelled) the flowers, used a leaf blower to clean out the garage (now that's dust!), I mowed the grass, in short - I did not alter my behavior at all to accommodate the allergies. If my body has a need to experience these symptoms, I'll help it. I'll joyfully let my nose run, my eyes itch, and so on. In fact, I encouraged it, not by intentional exposure to the elements but by a sort of "internal permission" - I am letting my body do what it needs to do, with no reservations. (Sort of the way a wise parent encourages a child to make their own mistakes, and yet I did not consider it a mistake at all).

Thus I stopped describing the symptoms as unpleasant, and I started to treat the areas of my body that experienced them with the kind of love and nurturing care that one might feel for one's beloved child. I'm not saying that I sat around caressing my nose and tucked it into bed at night - instead I'm referring to the feeling, the quality of the attention I directed towards it. I cannot understate the effect this step had - the symptoms became much more tolerable, yet this term is no longer valid, as I was no longer "tolerating" them - I was completely accepting them. I was not trying to make them stop by tricking anyone - I was really, really accepting them. If they got better, that was fine too.

I caught myself rejecting allergies in the strangest places, like when I'd get on the bus: "Oh but I don't want to be symptomatic next to all these people!". I discovered many interesting things about myself, and I made an effort to eliminate rejection.

My overall state of being changed in response to this as well - I felt better, and not just because of symptomatic relief - I felt happier, as if I'd finally started taking care of some part of me that was long overlooked, a part that always drew the short stick and which in turn never allowed me to really excel. In fact, that is exactly what happened. I wasn't thinking too hard about the why or how of this transformation at the time, but eventually I became curious, and then it started to come together.

The Mechanics of "No"

So remember the feelings and thoughts I called your attention to earlier on? The desire to hide, to convince yourself that it isn't happening, to blame, to complain, to avoid experience? You probably realize at this point that all of these reactions belong in the category of big, determined "No!". We are saying no to something that is already happening, and it makes about as much sense as saying "No" to sunrise or sunset. Like it or not - it's happening, and no matter how hard you try, you won't get away from it. Sounds obvious? You bet, and yet we reject "what is" again and again. So what happens when we reject something, when we say "No" to something that we don't have any control over? The answer is rather simple - it makes life unpleasant, and unnecessarily difficult - as we are swimming against the current. That is unless, of course, you are into that sort of thing.

As an illustration, imagine that you've lived in one neighborhood all your life, but as the years went by the demographic changed and suddenly you are a minority, perhaps you don't even speak the dominant language. The signs on all the stores have changed, your neighbours don't understand you (and you may not enjoy their culture), you feel like an alien on your own street. Rejection occurs as you insist that nothing changed, that people should understand you, that signs should be in your language, that life should be the way you remember it, and so on. And yet life is distinctly different from what you want it to be, and there is no happiness because of rejection of what is.

This rejection creates both a subconscious and a conscious program, and it does so through your very own description of things, the very description full of "should's" I just mentioned. In the case of allergies, the description may be "I don't want to experience this" (pure and simple), or "I hate spring/nature" (less direct but no less effective), or "Poor me" (this one comes with a plethora of implications), or many others. Whatever the description, the message is "No". You may be wondering why No is such a problem, as it seems like such a proper response to what you may not like. The issue with rejection is that is goes against the very Nature of Things. In nature, saying no to "what is" is simply not an option - just think of what happens to any obstacle in the path of water, anything unwilling to accept (or tolerate) a change in temperature, or even an animal species unwilling to adapt to a change in its environment - they bring about their own destruction, suffering all the way to the end. (Kicking and screaming, to quote "The Simpsons"). Adapt or die. As humans we may delude ourselves into thinking that we can transcend inevitability, but we are constantly reminded that our escapist strategies provide nothing more than a brief delay.

Even if you're not interested in taking cues from nature, saying No is a way to close doors in life - doors of opportunity, doors to happiness, doors to your own growth and evolution. Imagine saying "No!" to every employment opportunity, or to every friendship, to every conversation, and so on? Now imagine saying "No!" to a police officer - there is your recipe for suffering.


You may start to wonder at this point - "Is he suggesting that I say Yes to everything, regardless? How about immoral/illegal/outright dangerous situations? What about when my 10-year-old decides to try horrible thing of the day #43?" This is where the intellect prefers to turn everything into a philosophical debate, and that's not at all what we're after. Saying Yes is about being open to experience, about accepting that the situation exists, and that it is perfectly fine for it to exist, and that now you get to choose what to do with this situation, and that now you get to choose your own quality of life in this situation. After all, you can safely surround your 10-year-old with understanding and acceptance, and then chaperon them through the experience, enjoying a deepening of your relationship. Alternatively you can yell, forbid, and wind up with high blood pressure and a kid that won't open up to you again, but who is much more likely to do the things you reject most. These concepts are nothing new, and yet they are perfect illustrations.


Saying yes is not about blindly following everyone's suggestions. It's about eliminating the internal rejection, the automatic and unconscious "No" for the wrong reasons, for reasons that are way past their expiration dates and are due for re-evaluation.

The interesting thing is that very often we are saying "no" purely out of habit, or out of what society calls "common sense". Runny nose = bad. Allergies = bad. Anything that's not my normal state = bad. This is, in fact, where our concepts of "like" or "dislike" come from, and often we forget that these opinions exist to serve us and not the other way! They can be changed, and in many cases you're simply better off without them. Try life without your opinions for a change, and allergies is as good a starting subject as any.

The Method

I prefer to avoid lengthy explanations and get right to the point, but if you skipped directly to this section... well, you may find yourself in the same situation as the man in the audience in the story I mentioned in the very beginning. In other words - good luck figuring out what I'm about to say!

Either way, here's the method, again: Boldly go towards, and never away. That about sums it up!

OK, a little more detail

It is hardly reasonable to expect everyone to understand what you mean by a single sentence. For this reason, here is more detail.

You cannot say "Yes" partially. It is practically impossible, and theoretically useless. However, habit change is often gradual, so start noticing your reactions to symptoms. You may take your own reactions for granted to the extent that you may not even classify them as rejection, and yet they probably are. Welcome your body's sensations, its experiences. Encourage it by complete acceptance. Treat it like a child in your care (that is the case, after all, isn't it?)

Seek the sensation of relaxation, relief, ease in response to your changing attitude. Perhaps it's the sensation of warmth. If you find yourself classifying this as a "mind-over-body" practice and you have a problem with those, then just stick to a verbal "Yes". With practice you will learn to perceive a clear response to the right sensation.

Above all, do not ever allow yourself to think that you know how to do this, that you have learned it - that is the downfall of most techniques. You may find this to be an odd statement, and yet it is addressed at your intellect. The mind likes to say "I know how to do this", and thus replaces the feeling with a memory. You don't need a memory, you need direct experience, here and now, so recreate the sensation each time as if it were the first time.

And, of course, enjoy every second.

You may find that it is helpful to re-read this a few times, on different days. This is important not so much because this writing is a great artistic achievement to be enjoyed daily, but due to the nature of information and perception. Each day you are in a different state, of a different mind, and different information may "click" at most unexpected times. You may find that the last 6 times you've read it you didn't notice something, probably because you had no way to relate to it yet. As you experiment in your own life, that can and does change.

Broader Strokes

The approach described here is quite old (thousands and thousands of years old, in fact), and I do not claim that anything new has been invented or possibly even rephrased in novel ways. In fact, once one becomes used to applying acceptance, it is hard to imagine that it isn't common sense.


This text is written using allergies (specifically, seasonal allergies) as the focal point, as the subject of application. It should come as no surprise that the approach described here is applicable to more than just allergies. In fact, it applies beautifully to such little questions as "How to be well" and even "How to live a happy life", if used with genuine abandon. It is, however, inadvisable to expect anything, as we've seen with the "should's". Having expectations is already a failure to accept what is (But having plans and intentions - that's a different story). The safer approach is usually to take just one step at a time. If your main rejection happens to be allergies, just apply it to that, in depth, in detail, and thoroughly, with no expectation of results and no time limits. This is not an 8 day weight-loss program, it's a way of life. After you feel a change in your life, regroup and evaluate what happened, and if this "demo run" was a success, see what else in your life could use a little acceptance.


As a disclaimer, I should probably point out that there are some risks, for example when experimenting with life-threatening conditions. In the case of serious respiratory anaphylaxis response, such as some shellfish allergies, experimenting with exposure clearly has some noteworthy potential consequences. It is my feeling that the method will still work when applied correctly, but unsurprisingly the risks tend to thin out the ranks of volunteers. In other words, if you try it, it's your decision, and you'll have to live (or not) with it. On the other hand, being familiar with these techniques may make a difference in the case of accidental exposure.

PS: If this helps you, feel free to leave a comment describing your experiences