Saying Yes to Allergies

The Yes Man

Sometime in the late 20th century, a western man visited the deteriorating Soviet Union to speak at a conference on efficient communication and conflict resolution. At the time, foreigners were quite rare within the communist state and were thus automatically afforded a status of authority, causing people of all walks of life to cover great distances to see this man speak. The speaker got on stage and began:

"So this method I'd like to tell you about, is called the 'Yes approach'."

The audience grew quiet and attentive, people readied their notepads to make sure that they capture all of the complexity of the westerner's method. He continued:

"In essence, it boils down to saying 'Yes'." He paused, mindfully surveying his audience. "And that, I'd have to say, is all there is to it. Thank you everyone for coming!", he added.

Initially there was silence, gradually displaced by an air of confusion, then by some unspoken anger. The speaker smiled and said nothing. Members of the audience largely contained their emotions, until one of the less "proper and reserved" guests got up and addressed the speaker: "Yes? That's all?"

"Yes" - replied the speaker and nodded reassuringly.
"You mean to tell me that I traveled 8 hours to hear some idiot tell me to say 'Yes'????"
"Yes" - replied the speaker with no change in his demeanor.
"Why you little ..." - (the Russian language sports an incomparable array of graphic expletives that artfully combine absurdity with an absolutely clear message).
" ... and you're gonna stand up there and give me nothing but your stupid 'Yes'???" - his face was turning red with anger.
"Yes" was the reply, again with no change in demeanor.
"Well!... well..." - the man stumbled. He was clearly not used to being at a loss for words.

The speaker understood the method. His very being was entirely free of confrontation, of rejection, of 'No'. With the help of this display, the audience understood as well. The man had nothing to base an argument on, nothing to grab onto, nothing to push - there was no resistance. The audience suddenly broke into an applause, and even the now red-faced man had no choice but to laugh at himself - the method was proven in the field.

The Usual Reaction

It is probably reasonable to ask what this story has to do with allergies, and as you can imagine, I plan to explain. To help make the connection a little more solid I offer another narrative, this one should be a lot more familiar:

Winter is over, and spring is slowly starting to become more believable, most notably to the budding plants which are ... well you already know what they do in the spring. Early flowers appear everywhere, the air is dry and full of pollen and freshly mowed grass, and despite your belief that this year your allergies won't return and the season won't be so bad, you start feeling that familiar tingling in the nose, then ears, then eyes, throat, and so on. Seasonal allergies don't seem to care whether you planned to be immune to them this year, and especially whether you planned some yard work or nature trips. Sure, initially you attempt to convince yourself that it isn't that, that it's just some dust you got in your lungs, or sand in your eyes, that it's just a passing thing. Note this feeling! - we'll come back to it later.

Then you are faced with the undeniable realization that it is happening, that these are indeed allergies, and there is no escape - but you really, really want to escape! You say to yourself (some people say this out loud or even to others) that you don't want to go through this yet again - it's only April (or even March???) and you'll need to limp through life until at least July (or all summer long???). You imagine yourself suffering through the months, finding relief only in the occasional pharmaceuticals (perhaps not occasional) or spending your days and nights in locked rooms next to the air purifier. Note this feeling also - note this desire to escape, to hide, to avoid.

Then there is the stream of descriptions of the pitying kind: "Why me?", "I'm suffering", "I'm dying", and so on. Your thoughts are filled with lists of things you do not want and situations you do not like.

More Personal

All these reactions are hardly surprising, and I'm intimately familiar with them myself. I've lived a rather healthy life (and still do) and have experienced nothing even remotely resembling allergies for the first 30 years, and thus the shock of it was, well, a shock. I was such a stranger to this condition that it took me about 3 weeks before I even realized (read: admitted) what it was, and my symptoms were hardly mild. I spent 2 months within running distance of a sink (I don't like tissues.. I just don't), more or less incapacitated relative to what I consider "being useful". I won't go into detail but it was not pleasant. Not being a big fan of conventional medicine or medications, I tried most every naturopathic and homeopathic remedy and pill I could find. I've eliminated things from my diet (and my diet was already fairly clean - I was nearly raw vegan at the time), including cheese, wheat, etc. I repeated detox (including the Master Cleanse). I felt improvement in many respects, but I found all these experiments to be ineffective for the allergies.

Like many people I hoped that this would be a one-time experience, but next season the symptoms were back, if not worse. I tried more combinations of remedies and diet changes, all to no avail. As the allergy season was winding down I discovered the Neti Pot and assumed that I'd finally found a solution. Next season proved me wrong (oh it does help, but it's not a long term solution for allergies in my experience)

Next season something happened. The allergies started again, despite my preemptive Neti Pot use, much the same as they had before, but something changed in me, something I didn't expect - it was a suggestion that came from within, it sounded absurd but I had nothing to lose. The suggestion was "bring it on".

A Different Approach

"Bring it on" is one way to express what I tried. "Meet it head on" is another. As you may have guessed by now, "Yes" is one more translation.

I decided not to hide. I went out and planted in the garden, I admired (and smelled) the flowers, used a leaf blower to clean out the garage (now that's dust!), I mowed the grass, in short - I did not alter my behavior at all to accommodate the allergies. If my body has a need to experience these symptoms, I'll help it. I'll joyfully let my nose run, my eyes itch, and so on. In fact, I encouraged it, not by intentional exposure to the elements but by a sort of "internal permission" - I am letting my body do what it needs to do, with no reservations. (Sort of the way a wise parent encourages a child to make their own mistakes, and yet I did not consider it a mistake at all).

Thus I stopped describing the symptoms as unpleasant, and I started to treat the areas of my body that experienced them with the kind of love and nurturing care that one might feel for one's beloved child. I'm not saying that I sat around caressing my nose and tucked it into bed at night - instead I'm referring to the feeling, the quality of the attention I directed towards it. I cannot understate the effect this step had - the symptoms became much more tolerable, yet this term is no longer valid, as I was no longer "tolerating" them - I was completely accepting them. I was not trying to make them stop by tricking anyone - I was really, really accepting them. If they got better, that was fine too.

I caught myself rejecting allergies in the strangest places, like when I'd get on the bus: "Oh but I don't want to be symptomatic next to all these people!". I discovered many interesting things about myself, and I made an effort to eliminate rejection.

My overall state of being changed in response to this as well - I felt better, and not just because of symptomatic relief - I felt happier, as if I'd finally started taking care of some part of me that was long overlooked, a part that always drew the short stick and which in turn never allowed me to really excel. In fact, that is exactly what happened. I wasn't thinking too hard about the why or how of this transformation at the time, but eventually I became curious, and then it started to come together.

The Mechanics of "No"

So remember the feelings and thoughts I called your attention to earlier on? The desire to hide, to convince yourself that it isn't happening, to blame, to complain, to avoid experience? You probably realize at this point that all of these reactions belong in the category of big, determined "No!". We are saying no to something that is already happening, and it makes about as much sense as saying "No" to sunrise or sunset. Like it or not - it's happening, and no matter how hard you try, you won't get away from it. Sounds obvious? You bet, and yet we reject "what is" again and again. So what happens when we reject something, when we say "No" to something that we don't have any control over? The answer is rather simple - it makes life unpleasant, and unnecessarily difficult - as we are swimming against the current. That is unless, of course, you are into that sort of thing.

As an illustration, imagine that you've lived in one neighborhood all your life, but as the years went by the demographic changed and suddenly you are a minority, perhaps you don't even speak the dominant language. The signs on all the stores have changed, your neighbours don't understand you (and you may not enjoy their culture), you feel like an alien on your own street. Rejection occurs as you insist that nothing changed, that people should understand you, that signs should be in your language, that life should be the way you remember it, and so on. And yet life is distinctly different from what you want it to be, and there is no happiness because of rejection of what is.

This rejection creates both a subconscious and a conscious program, and it does so through your very own description of things, the very description full of "should's" I just mentioned. In the case of allergies, the description may be "I don't want to experience this" (pure and simple), or "I hate spring/nature" (less direct but no less effective), or "Poor me" (this one comes with a plethora of implications), or many others. Whatever the description, the message is "No". You may be wondering why No is such a problem, as it seems like such a proper response to what you may not like. The issue with rejection is that is goes against the very Nature of Things. In nature, saying no to "what is" is simply not an option - just think of what happens to any obstacle in the path of water, anything unwilling to accept (or tolerate) a change in temperature, or even an animal species unwilling to adapt to a change in its environment - they bring about their own destruction, suffering all the way to the end. (Kicking and screaming, to quote "The Simpsons"). Adapt or die. As humans we may delude ourselves into thinking that we can transcend inevitability, but we are constantly reminded that our escapist strategies provide nothing more than a brief delay.

Even if you're not interested in taking cues from nature, saying No is a way to close doors in life - doors of opportunity, doors to happiness, doors to your own growth and evolution. Imagine saying "No!" to every employment opportunity, or to every friendship, to every conversation, and so on? Now imagine saying "No!" to a police officer - there is your recipe for suffering.


You may start to wonder at this point - "Is he suggesting that I say Yes to everything, regardless? How about immoral/illegal/outright dangerous situations? What about when my 10-year-old decides to try horrible thing of the day #43?" This is where the intellect prefers to turn everything into a philosophical debate, and that's not at all what we're after. Saying Yes is about being open to experience, about accepting that the situation exists, and that it is perfectly fine for it to exist, and that now you get to choose what to do with this situation, and that now you get to choose your own quality of life in this situation. After all, you can safely surround your 10-year-old with understanding and acceptance, and then chaperon them through the experience, enjoying a deepening of your relationship. Alternatively you can yell, forbid, and wind up with high blood pressure and a kid that won't open up to you again, but who is much more likely to do the things you reject most. These concepts are nothing new, and yet they are perfect illustrations.


Saying yes is not about blindly following everyone's suggestions. It's about eliminating the internal rejection, the automatic and unconscious "No" for the wrong reasons, for reasons that are way past their expiration dates and are due for re-evaluation.

The interesting thing is that very often we are saying "no" purely out of habit, or out of what society calls "common sense". Runny nose = bad. Allergies = bad. Anything that's not my normal state = bad. This is, in fact, where our concepts of "like" or "dislike" come from, and often we forget that these opinions exist to serve us and not the other way! They can be changed, and in many cases you're simply better off without them. Try life without your opinions for a change, and allergies is as good a starting subject as any.

The Method

I prefer to avoid lengthy explanations and get right to the point, but if you skipped directly to this section... well, you may find yourself in the same situation as the man in the audience in the story I mentioned in the very beginning. In other words - good luck figuring out what I'm about to say!

Either way, here's the method, again: Boldly go towards, and never away. That about sums it up!

OK, a little more detail

It is hardly reasonable to expect everyone to understand what you mean by a single sentence. For this reason, here is more detail.

You cannot say "Yes" partially. It is practically impossible, and theoretically useless. However, habit change is often gradual, so start noticing your reactions to symptoms. You may take your own reactions for granted to the extent that you may not even classify them as rejection, and yet they probably are. Welcome your body's sensations, its experiences. Encourage it by complete acceptance. Treat it like a child in your care (that is the case, after all, isn't it?)

Seek the sensation of relaxation, relief, ease in response to your changing attitude. Perhaps it's the sensation of warmth. If you find yourself classifying this as a "mind-over-body" practice and you have a problem with those, then just stick to a verbal "Yes". With practice you will learn to perceive a clear response to the right sensation.

Above all, do not ever allow yourself to think that you know how to do this, that you have learned it - that is the downfall of most techniques. You may find this to be an odd statement, and yet it is addressed at your intellect. The mind likes to say "I know how to do this", and thus replaces the feeling with a memory. You don't need a memory, you need direct experience, here and now, so recreate the sensation each time as if it were the first time.

And, of course, enjoy every second.

You may find that it is helpful to re-read this a few times, on different days. This is important not so much because this writing is a great artistic achievement to be enjoyed daily, but due to the nature of information and perception. Each day you are in a different state, of a different mind, and different information may "click" at most unexpected times. You may find that the last 6 times you've read it you didn't notice something, probably because you had no way to relate to it yet. As you experiment in your own life, that can and does change.

Broader Strokes

The approach described here is quite old (thousands and thousands of years old, in fact), and I do not claim that anything new has been invented or possibly even rephrased in novel ways. In fact, once one becomes used to applying acceptance, it is hard to imagine that it isn't common sense.


This text is written using allergies (specifically, seasonal allergies) as the focal point, as the subject of application. It should come as no surprise that the approach described here is applicable to more than just allergies. In fact, it applies beautifully to such little questions as "How to be well" and even "How to live a happy life", if used with genuine abandon. It is, however, inadvisable to expect anything, as we've seen with the "should's". Having expectations is already a failure to accept what is (But having plans and intentions - that's a different story). The safer approach is usually to take just one step at a time. If your main rejection happens to be allergies, just apply it to that, in depth, in detail, and thoroughly, with no expectation of results and no time limits. This is not an 8 day weight-loss program, it's a way of life. After you feel a change in your life, regroup and evaluate what happened, and if this "demo run" was a success, see what else in your life could use a little acceptance.


As a disclaimer, I should probably point out that there are some risks, for example when experimenting with life-threatening conditions. In the case of serious respiratory anaphylaxis response, such as some shellfish allergies, experimenting with exposure clearly has some noteworthy potential consequences. It is my feeling that the method will still work when applied correctly, but unsurprisingly the risks tend to thin out the ranks of volunteers. In other words, if you try it, it's your decision, and you'll have to live (or not) with it. On the other hand, being familiar with these techniques may make a difference in the case of accidental exposure.

PS: If this helps you, feel free to leave a comment describing your experiences

Don't stop for some stop-leak

Yesterday was a good day.  Justifications for this statement include perfect sailing weather and the complete absence of incidents that could be described as "making an ass of myself at the boat ramp".  Seeking nothing more from life, I drove home, unfazed by shore traffic and drivers' apparent inability to make it through a traffic light in an orderly manner.  To my great surprise, the abundance of life and its gifts of joy did not stop there.  I found myself nearly decapitating an innocent looking mailbox with my truck when I received a text message that would completely alter my plans for next week.  It appears that I prefer spending my days on the beach in spectacular company over braving rush hour traffic in the deceptive comfort of a bus full of irate commuters.  The story leading up to the message that placed postal equipment in jeopardy is long and rife with self-reflection, and to say that it was a pleasant surprise is an understatement - but it is not the subject of this tale.

Today was also a good day.  After spending some hours seeking comfort and self-approval through bulk task completion, I found myself left with a rapidly shrinking to-do list.  Shopping would be next, I decided, and promptly drove over to the stores on my list, blissfully unaware of the pending doom. I do rather enjoy the 90 degree weather, but what I enjoy even more is keeping it outside of my air conditioned vehicle.

Auto parts store came first, and I found myself pillaging the Freon section along with other rather sweaty looking men, who, unlike me, were probably buying it for their own cars.  June is national Freon hoarding month in New Jersey, and while I had the foresight to take care of my truck early, this time I was shopping for someone else.  The store's air conditioning itself appeared to be in need of a refill, and this situation did not contribute favorably to either staff morale or amicable customer demeanor, which, in turn, translates into a rather gradual checkout experience.

Next, I found myself at a sporting goods store, because when the woman that invites you on your first vacation together tells you that your running shorts make you look like a hobo (perhaps not in so many words), it's time for new shorts.  My old shorts were always a multipurpose article, combining the function of public decency compliance with the tough job of a cat scratching post.  They also survived some light summer tiling, several house painting jobs, and at least a few dozen hours of attic wiring.  Running short selection process is tough for any man, but this time it was a particular challenge.  What statement would I like to make to my new (though very tolerant) love?  Should I go conservative and stick to long and black?  A flashy colorful stripe might appear playful, and would be practical for running in the darkness of the early spring mornings, but would I remind her of traffic cones and caution tape?

Having made the impossible choice and exited the store I discovered that the parking lot underneath my truck has a hue eerily similar to the color of the shorts I ultimately picked.  Unlike shorts, however, parking lots generally don't go for flashy or colorful, thus this warranted an investigation.  To my great surprise and mild discomfort, my vehicle did indeed contribute to redecorating the pavement.  A steady stream of brick-red goo emerged from my radiator cap, oozing slowly and coating everything in its path in a suspended animation of mysterious shapes.  No liquid was observed in the cooling system, and all the hoses felt like they were firmly coated from within with a crusty and solid layer of the red matter.

"Karma", I said to myself.  Now, mind you, this is not my karma - the previous owner seems to have placed enough radiator stop-leak in the system to paint a house red.  I have since spent hours flushing and back-flushing, only to wind up with more of the blob rearing its red face some months later.  Of course I can't truly claim that this isn't my karma - I did buy the truck, and then repeatedly chose to keep it, as I will undoubtedly do again today.

Explanations and musings aside, this is a mildly disconcerting situation - I have no certainty that there is anything but goo in my cooling system, it is 90 degrees and sunny, and, incidentally, I drive an 8 liter V-10, a somewhat extreme example of the classic American problem-solving approach.  And so, back to the auto parts store, except this time I am watching the temperature gauge about as much as I'm watching the road.

The hour that passed since my last visit did not improve the employees' mood very much, but after some failed communication attempts I finally get the answers to all of my inquiries.  Unfortunately, they are all the same: "We don't have it in stock".  Well, at least they have antifreeze - and at 26.5 quarts, my truck doesn't skimp on that and neither should I.

I should mention at this point that patience isn't always one of my strongest personality traits, and so, after spending the entire drive home thinking through the diagnosis and repair procedures, it is no surprise that I began as soon as I turned the engine off.  I should also mention that this is not a great idea where cooling system repairs are concerned.  I should probably mention that to myself next time.

It was not until later that I discovered that the problem was not a cap failure or any sort of boil-over  but rather a stop-leak obstruction to the expansion tank, which has basically turned into a stop-leak repository.  Preventing hot liquid from expanding is a somewhat bad idea, as it turns out.  Not knowing the problem, I started draining the radiator immediately.  About a gallon later I decided to remove the radiator cap to see what's going on in there, figuring that a gallon of removed liquid would have taken care of all possible pressure.  I was mistaken.

Yes, I am apparently that guy - the guy that pulls the radiator cap off a hot car.  The cap, also thoroughly coated in stop-leak and thus glued down, produced no indication of the pressure it was containing until I loosened it completely and pulled.  The explosion was epic, and had I parked the truck backwards, the entire neighborhood would be able to appreciate a once in a lifetime performance, complete with the cap smashing into the raised hood, followed promptly by a continuous flow of hot water and steam.  Having a front row seat to this performance left me with a scalded hand and a face dotted with red splatter.  Only after this shock therapy did it occur to me that I am subjecting my engine block to rapid temperature swings, and the only solution that came to me in the heat (literally) of the moment was to run cold water from a garden hose into the gradually emptying radiator.  I don't know how the truck survived this cold treatment worthy of a Kundalini master, but a few seconds later the noises subsided and all was at peace.

Two hours later the water ran clear... the water from the engine block, that is - which suggests that my street is probably all red now.  But I have other concerns for the moment, as my hand is seriously overdue for some attention.  So the next time you feel like reaching for that stop-leak... stop.  Think of the children, and if you can't - at least think of my hand.